Every once in awhile in my family, we have a desire to create new words. While we love to nickname restaurants, why not add new words to describe our emotions, our likes and dislikes, and most importantly, to stereotype other people for our own amusement!
It all began on an afternoon drive in the country, probably Delaware County, Pennsylvania. This is a lovely pastoral setting, upon which the wealthy horse owners love to erect miles of split-rail fencing, along with well-placed security cameras in trees. Even in the fields rented to dairy farmers there are scenic fence-rows with hidden tree cameras.
We know from experience that cows love cameras. Try this out yourself: Drive to a field of cows, park, get out of your car, and just stand there. The cow herd will ignore you (except one, there is always one looking for attention). Now lift up your camera. Woah! Cow stampede! And I thought pigs were hams.
Yet we didn't expect wealthy, upscale, main-line, Devonesque, property owners to keep cameras on their rental cows. Are there teams of cow-tippers lurking behind the fences? Are they expecting us common folk to steal milk right from the source? What kind of sick, paranoid millionaires are we dealing with here? What do we call these crazed horsey people? We call them Schmoos.
We live in a region inundated by tourists from New York City. They bring an economic punch to our area that has been unparalleled in the history of our community. Many bring along their city habits and customs, which can be unsettling to the local populace. New Yorkers own very small city properties then see our millions of trees in the woodlands. They can not believe that these vast tracts of land are owned by local yokels.
It is not unusual to come home to find an entire family of sixteen from Brooklyn having a wonderful picnic on your two-acre front lawn. What kind of moron tourist would just park their car and dump the entire clan directly in front of your house? A Touron would.
In an effort to preserve our new word heritage, we have compiled a list of words desiring of recognition:
1. Schmoo - See above, also schmooey, schmooduh, schmool, schmoot
ex. Bernie Madoff is schmoot.
2. Touron - See above, also Touronimous, Touronic, Touramous, Tourontake80east
3. farmslut - Once you see two of these at the fairgrounds, you will understand
4. merpies - M+M addiction, usually crushed, served in vanilla ice cream, used for private sexual pleasures
5. Miishlamoo - A young schmoo, oftentimes an adopted Wallengurl
6. ashlanack(ack) - only understood by dogs, who attack when this word is spoken aggressively
7. Wallengurl - An Asian girl to be adopted by an older man, then later married
8. bouver - To bouver something, to be bouvered by someone, bouvering your neighbor (dutch-West End, donjano)
9. happybirthday - means to go screw yourself, unless it is your birthday. Used in polite company only. ex. "Happy Birthday, blog reader"
10. halper - everyone needs a halper from time to time see also halp, halpin', halpple
We will have more new words in a future post coming soon. Thanks for reading our baschlammie!
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