At some point in its history, perhaps all the way back to the days of our founding fathers, Pennsyltucky had politicians with a sweet and simple purpose: the better educated the citizens are, the more money they will earn, the more taxes we can collect, and the more money we can spend on improving the lives of those same citizens. Let’s call this the “educational pyramid scheme” or EPS for short. It worked.
Young people showed up and took advantage of the affordable education at East Jacobsville Teachers College. The dozen or so other state-supported colleges scattered around the Commonwealth also became popular with the local middle class kids.
After a time, Pennsyltucky politicians wanted some recognition for their success- good paying jobs, educated citizens, partially paid for by tax dollars. So they changed the name to East Jacobsville State College. Since Pennsyltucky is a Commonwealth, the correct name should have been East Jacobsville Commonwealth College, but that’s a bit dreary. Besides, common folk don’t have much wealth, but we are always in some sort of state.
The college grew and yet, our college-educated young adults had limited opportunities in the local area, and many of them moved away for better jobs. In more recent times, Pennsyltucky decided that “State College” sounded archaic and they changed the name again to East Jacobsville University. I am not certain changing names improves anything, but there ya go, it’s already done.
East Jacobsville University became one of the largest employers in the area. But the cost of attending began to increase and the Commonwealth, due its own decline after the end of the Industrial Era, began to decrease funding. By the turn of 21st century, the cost of higher education required money that many folks in Diffle County didn’t have and couldn't earn. Folks became desperate to provide their children with a better education and borrowed money to pay for the ever-increasing tuition.
The Commonwealth was all too happy to guarantee the loans- enforcement is always cheaper than awarding monetary grants. Besides, now the bankers were involved and they could make some serious interest on those 50,000 dollar loans. “Yummy”, said the bankers and they donated money to their favorite politicians, who got re-elected, then cut funding and increased loan maximums. We’ll call this the “Commonwealth Re-Elected Educational Pyramid Scheme” or CREEPS for short..
My goodness, this isn’t a short lesson at all!
South of Diffle County sits Nother County, a very prosperous region where the flatlanders live. Nother County has many colleges, one in each big town, and none of them are State Universities. Some colleges are upscaley. Even the ivy leaguers are impressed- usually right before their non-conference lacrosse match.
One college is a 2-year commuter school and is very affordable for average kids with average grades. One day, a Nother County Community College trustee was fishing in Diffle County and had a great idea. Why not open a Diffle County branch of the Nother County Community College! And we will call it....well, you know...it couldn't be called Diffle County Community College because who would know it was an outreach of Nother County? Now he could fish and be a trustee at the same time (Wasn't he already doing this?)..
Once everyone was in happy agreement, Nother County bought a few buildings in Dannerville. They added a few trailers, a parking lot with entrance, a few handicap access improvements, and a fresh coat of paint. Then they tossed in some teachers and chairs (This is getting to be like Field of Dreams for schools). New students showed up and, within a few short years, overwhelmed the tiny campus.
Let’s tie the time-lines together now, shall we? When the new school opened, the folks of all colors and creeds were just beginning to arrive in Diffle County. As time went on, many of the children of these non-white adventurers decided to go to their local community college and then transfer to a four year school- which was usually located a few sleepy miles away in East Jacobsville. Ah, the kids are staying close to home. Well...their kids- the transplants from the big city, not so much our kids, from the local poor white folk homes.
And that’s about when Nother County and Diffle County started to get on each other’s nerves. That’s about when the minorities with ridiculous mortgages discovered their builders had played three card monty with their credit reports, bank accounts, and house appraisals. And that is about the time when the local newspaper, The Diffle County Recorder, actually sent out some reporters to investigate their neighborhood. And that is about the same time when political correctness and prejudice fell in love.
Tomorrow: Part 3 Racism and Political Correctness, Diffle County Melts in the Pot.
Disclaimer: All characters are fictional. Any likeness to real or somewhat real individuals is completely and intentionally coincidental.There is no Diffle County in Pennsyltucky. In fact, there is no Pennsyltucky. Liability is strictly limited to double the compensation received for writing this article. Copyright (C) 2010 The Mutant Mouse Chronicles, A Fishfire Media Lab Presentation, subsidiary of Data Corp LLC, another Waterbunny migraine company.